I have looked through the 4 modules taught in Lesson 2 and I’m not seeing instructions on how and when to turn the outline into an essay. In the Rhetoric B of Elocution Module 2 it says they should add the parallelism to their current essay. Does this mean they write the essay then or it is already written and now they change it?
Should the proofs and supports on the outline be in complete sentences? Is everything that should be in the essay on the outline (arrangement template 2)? If so then to turn it into an essay you simply string the sentences together, correct? In this case there would be 4 sentences in each paragraph? Or can/should some of the support points be more than one sentence?
I'll try to answer your questions in sequence, though once again I don't have access to the materials so if an apprentice or someone who does can point to pages and locations on those pages where applicable.
You wrote: I have looked through the 4 modules taught in Lesson 2 and I’m not seeing instructions on how and when to turn the outline into an essay.
I answer: In each lesson, the conversion of the outline into an essay is the elocution stage, or at least the first step in the elocution stage. Follow the same steps you took in lesson one, but add the supporting points.
You continue: In the Rhetoric B of Elocution Module 2 it says they should add the parallelism to their current essay. Does this mean they write the essay then or it is already written and now they change it?
I answer: They will have written the first draft already (see the answer above). By having them add parallelism to an already written essay, they are able to concentrate all their intellectual energy on this new idea.
You continue: Should the proofs and supports on the outline be in complete sentences?
I answer: No, students are absolutely forbidden from writing complete sentences on their outlines. This forces them to think about what they are saying in a different way - drawing out the essential subject or predicate - and thus come to understand what they are doing better. All of these steps are training the mind to approach the art of thinking from multiple angles and to develop mental agility.
You ask: Is everything that should be in the essay on the outline (arrangement template 2)? If so then to turn it into an essay you simply string the sentences together, correct?
I answer: Yes, to both questions.
You conclude: In this case there would be 4 sentences in each paragraph? Or can/should some of the support points be more than one sentence?
I answer: Yes, to the first question, not yet to the second. As they learn to add schemes and tropes and as they learn to edit carefully their essays will become fuller and more rounded. At this point, you are focusing on very foundational disciplines. That makes the first two or three essays fairly tedious when it comes to the elocution stage. But for many students it gets them champing at the bit - as it were - to add some style to their writing.
On later essays, supporting points can use more than one sentence, but I would encourage you not to request or even allow that yet.
Thanks Kendall. I hope this answers your questions completely.
Thanks for the quick and thorough response. I have a few more questions.
First, The arrangement worksheet and template(outline) seem redundant to me. Isn’t the order the only difference?
Second, In the 2nd essay the introductory essay, are the first and last paragraphs identical?
Third, I can’t think of how to ask my next question without an example so I’ll use the first Proof with supports in my sons current essay. I didn't know at the time to not have him use complete sentences in the outline so we'll do that correctly next time. He did use phrases on the arrangement worksheet.
Thesis = We should go to Ohio next September
Proof 1 We would see beautiful sights.
i. We would see Cleveland differently.
ii. We could maybe see niagra falls.
iii. We could see the north in the fall.
Should the paragraph look like
We should go to Ohio next September because we would see beautiful sights. We would see Cleveland differently. We could maybe see niagra falls. We could see the north in the fall.
OR should it look like
We should go to Ohio next September because we would see beautiful sights. The first beautiful sight would be that we would see Cleveland differently. The second beautiful sight would be that we could maybe see niagra falls. The third beautiful sight would be that we could see the north in the fall.
OR something else? The 2 above sound terrible to me.
Thanks in advance for helping me through this. I’m really looking forward to going through this with my younger children who will have a better educated mom by then.
I think that I can address the first two questions, but I'll leave the third to someone who can answer with more certainty.
You wrote:
First, The arrangement worksheet and template(outline) seem redundant to me. Isn’t the order the only difference?
In my understanding they have slightly different roles-the worksheet is the tool to take them through to actual process of writing. This is what you go through to guide the student's writing. The template is the reference, the tool to look back to for structure for any essay, not just the one you practiced on the worksheet.
Second, In the 2nd essay the introductory essay, are the first and last paragraphs identical?
Yes, at this point you have not taught the specifics of the intro or conclusion. You are emphasizing the need and role of the thesis-it is repeated in the intro and conlcusion. When you get to the lessons on exordium and amplification the intro and conclusion begin to look distinct.
I'll go ahead and post a couple of items from my students. This should show some definite differences in skill. All of these kids are 7-8th grade. Just so you all know, we did the ANI in class and they were to write the outline and essay on their own. This is their first shot at this part on their own.
Basic Essay Outline-from Taylor
I. Intro
A. Thesis-We should plant bushes in the front yard
B. Exposition
1. Proof 1 Appearance
2. Proof 2 Privacy
3. Proof 3 Fun
II. Proof 1 Appearance
A. Member 1 Nicer Looking
B Member 2 More Privacy
C. Member 3 More Fun
III. Privacy
A. Club House
B. Enclosed Environment
C. Fuller than Trees
IV. More Fun
A. Attracts Birds
B. Catches Balls
C. No beehives
V. Conclusion
A. Thesis-We should plant bushes in the front yard
Thanks Leah! The ANI process with the bushes topic amazed me. We did the ANI over 3 or 4 days at about 20-30 min per session. At the start of each session I would think that we had thought of everything and then going through the questions we would come up with more.
The part I'm confused about is about turning this into a paragraph:
Proof 1 Appearance
A. Member 1 Nicer Looking
B Member 2 More Privacy
C. Member 3 More Fun
Do the three main reasons reasons always need to be listed in the thesis statement like they were in the first boring essay?
If yes, do the 3 supporting ideas need to be listed in the main reason in the main reason paragraphs?
Should the sentences in the second essay look like this (T=Thesis 1,2,3 are the main reasons, letters A-I are the supporting reasons) ? Here in code are the 5 paragraphs
T because 1, 2, 3. T because 1. T because 2. T because 3.
1 because A,B,C. 1 because A. 1 because B. 1 because C.
2 because D,E,F. 2 because D. 2 because E. 2 because F.
3 because G,H,I. 3 because G. 3 because H. 3 because I.
T because 1, 2, 3. T because 1. T because 2. T because 3.
Thanks Leah! The ANI process with the bushes topic amazed me. We did the ANI over 3 or 4 days at about 20-30 min per session. At the start of each session I would think that we had thought of everything and then going through the questions we would come up with more.
The part I'm confused about is about turning this into a paragraph:
Proof 1 Appearance
A. Member 1 Nicer Looking
B Member 2 More Privacy
C. Member 3 More Fun
Do the three main reasons reasons always need to be listed in the thesis statement like they were in the first boring essay?
My Reply-the three main reasons, the exposition, are still listed in the thesis statement like the boring essay. I try to remember that in this lesson, the concept is the arrangment of the groups of proofs. Keeping that in mind, it is easier for me to wrap my mind around the fact that everything stays the same except the groups of proofs.
If yes, do the 3 supporting ideas need to be listed in the main reason in the main reason paragraphs?
My Reply- I do not have my students list the reasons for the proof at the beginning of each paragraph. I distinguish this first sentence as the "topic" sentence for the proof paragraph: it simply states the proof (the group's name). Then the following sentences are the reasons explained.
I am going to try to upload a couple of my students' typed essays (no time to type them all out here, but it might be clearer if we actually talk about an essay.) So I'll aim to get those up tonight or tomorrow and then anyone can comment on them or critique them. They are not quite as boring as you might think, but I think they still follow the form we are looking for.
Keep up the great questions-we all need to work through this together!
Here is the first of a couple essays that I have to share. This is Taylor's essay, so it goes with the outline I posted yesterday. I know there are a few odd phrases, but I was pleased that she took the initiative to include some comparison without being told. :)
We should plant bushes in our front yeard because it improves the appearance, gives more privacy, and provides more fun.
Planting bushes in our front year will help improve the appearance of our house. Our landscaping will be nicer looking with bushes. The bushes will help make our job easier by hiding the weeds. By putting bushes in our front yard, our landowner will like it and will be pleased.
Having bushes will help the privacy of our home. We can build a clubhouse in the bushes to really create privacy. The bushes create an enclosed environment too. Bushes are fuller than trees, therefore creating more privacy.
Bushes can be fun. We can watch as the birds come because they are attracted to the bushes. During a baseball game, we need not worry about breaking windows with the balls because the bushes catch the balls. One of the most beneficial elements of fun is that on bushes there are no beehives.
We should plant bushes in our front yard because they improve appearance, give more privacy and provide more fun.
Thanks for the quick and thorough response. I have a few more questions.
First, The arrangement worksheet and template(outline) seem redundant to me. Isn’t the order the only difference?
Yes and no. The reason the order is different is because their purposes are different. These exercises and worksheets are arranged in such a way as to duplicate the necessary pattern of thought. Therefore, your students are developing the habits of effective writing by going in the right order. Therefore, the worksheet puts the proof first and the introduction last.
They begin Arrangement by sorting their discovery results into a proof, then they add a conclusion, then they add an introduction.
Then, having sorted everything by its purpose and in the necessary sequence, they rearrange it for public presentation.
This sequence helps your student realize the difference between recording thoughts for oneself and writing for someone else. It begins to raise his awareness of the reality of an audience. After all, why bother with an introduction at all if there is no audience?
The template, then, is a pattern to imitate with the final essay. The worksheet is a "work" sheet - it takes your student through the steps he needs to "work" through before he can be ready for that pattern.
Second, In the 2nd essay the introductory essay, are the first and last paragraphs identical?
Almost. The first paragraph should include an enumeration: "for three reasons." The last should not. The conclusion should repeat the thesis and the three reasons, but all in one sentence.
Third, I can’t think of how to ask my next question without an example so I’ll use the first Proof with supports in my sons current essay. I didn't know at the time to not have him use complete sentences in the outline so we'll do that correctly next time. He did use phrases on the arrangement worksheet.
Thesis = We should go to Ohio next September
Proof 1 We would see beautiful sights.
i. We would see Cleveland differently.
ii. We could maybe see niagra falls.
iii. We could see the north in the fall.
Should the paragraph look like
We should go to Ohio next September because we would see beautiful sights. We would see Cleveland differently. We could maybe see niagra falls. We could see the north in the fall.
OR should it look like
We should go to Ohio next September because we would see beautiful sights. The first beautiful sight would be that we would see Cleveland differently. The second beautiful sight would be that we could maybe see niagra falls. The third beautiful sight would be that we could see the north in the fall.
OR something else? The 2 above sound terrible to me.
Yes, it will sound terrible. It's a little like the decoders little children have to use when they are learning how to read. But remember, at this point you are mainly teaching them STRUCTURE!!!! They are not naturally inclined to value this, so you have to demand it of them. Repitition here is like situps. You want it driven so firmly into their skulls that no surgery can take it out.
It should be like this:
The first reason we should go to Ohio next September is because we would see beautiful sights. We would see Cleveland differently. Maybe we could see Niagra Falls. We could see the north in the fall.
It gets worse! The next paragraph must begin "The second reason we should go to Ohio next September is because..."
It's terrible, but doesn't it get you champing at the bit to write something better? And doesn't it also make you more aware of strategies to improve it? You don't just want your students to fix it, you want them to be aware of what they are doing to fix it.
Thanks in advance for helping me through this. I’m really looking forward to going through this with my younger children who will have a better educated mom by then.
You're welcome!
As an aside, when you feel comfortable doing so, you could approach the Elocution stage by asking them for their ideas on how to improve the paragraph and then break down what they did by schemes and tropes - or at least by describing what they did in detail.
For example, they might write "We have never seen Cleveland in the fall and it would be fun to see what it looks like." Then you could ask, "What is different between the way you wrote it and the way it was written originally?"
Like Pinochio, this will be wooden at first. But it disciplines them to reason in an orderly way and it comes alive as they master the tools of elocution.
Here is the first of a couple essays that I have to share. This is Taylor's essay, so it goes with the outline I posted yesterday. I know there are a few odd phrases, but I was pleased that she took the initiative to include some comparison without being told. :)
We should plant bushes in our front yeard because it improves the appearance, gives more privacy, and provides more fun.
Planting bushes in our front year will help improve the appearance of our house. Our landscaping will be nicer looking with bushes. The bushes will help make our job easier by hiding the weeds. By putting bushes in our front yard, our landowner will like it and will be pleased.
etc.
I reply:
This is fine work. I deleted the conclusion, but it was exactly what you want them to do. I require one difference: in each paragraph I require my students to repeat the thesis and enumerate the point, thus: "The first reason we should plant bushes in our front yard is that they will help..."
I require this of my students for three reasons, but I will only list one right here. They are preparing for public speech as well as writing. Young students need constant reminders of the burden they bear when they communicate. Since this burden applies well beyond written assignments and applies to every communication, it seems worth stressing.
